When Ron and Carol Erickson became licensed as foster parents in 2002, it was with the clear understanding that the children would be returned to their birth families. Since then, when crises repeatedly arose, they have opened their homes, and their hearts, to six children. They ended up adopting all of them, all of whom are siblings to each other in some way.

Half brothers Austin and Trey were their first two foster placements. Fully expecting them to eventually be reunified, it turned out there was no one else to take them. “And we had fallen in love with them,” Carol said. “They were our family and it would have been devastating to lose them…. We went from no children to two.”

Austin was 16 months old and weighed 15 pounds when the Ericksons got him. He has ADHD and ODD and struggles with learning and social connections. Through training in and reading about trauma informed care, the Ericksons understand that many of Austin’s issues are from his past trauma. Carol will sit with him and hug him and rub his back to get to the lower brain, where his acting out behavior starts. And she reminds her other children to be patient with him because his past trauma affects his behavior, and will his entire life.

The next set of children was Katrina, Abigail and Gabriel, all siblings, who were 3 and 2 years old, and 11 months, respectively, when they went to the Ericksons. They were contacted at the same time about the siblings or a single girl who needed temporary placement. By then the two boys were older and Carol was surprised when her husband agreed to take three small children.

“But we know how hard it is to place siblings… It was the best decision Ron and I made to take the sibling group.”

After six months, the girls were placed for a time with their paternal grandparents. When a paternity test a few months later showed they all had the same father, Gabriel joined them. The children suffered behavioral and health issues, and the separation from each other, and Dad’s rejection of Gabriel were very difficult for them. For various reasons, the grandparents were not a good placement, and the Ericksons heard about it “through the grape vine.” Carol called the case worker and learned the grandmother had said she wanted the children out immediately. When asked if they could come back to the Ericksons, “Bring them today!” Carol said.

It took about a year and a half for the termination of parental rights to occur, with the birth mother wanting them back for a time, and the birth father as well – but only the girls. Visits with birth parents were involved, but eventually the birth mother and the birth father disappeared. The back and forth and uncertainty was very hard on the kids and the Ericksons, and the couple were ecstatic to finally be able to adopt all three in 2011.

When they heard the birth mother of the three children got pregnant again with a man neither she nor her children were supposed to have contact with, the Ericksons stepped up again. When they were called about the last baby, named Rogue, they didn’t hesitate to take her in. No one knew drugs were an issue with the birth mom, but the baby was born addicted. She spent two and a half weeks in withdrawal in the NICU, and Carol was with her as much as possible.

“I was so nervous; I was scared to death,” Carol said. But at the hospital she was able to bathe, feed and bond with the baby. “It just made sense; why would you have them place her somewhere else?” Carol said.

After awhile the birth mom disappeared again, and the birth dad said he wanted the baby. But there were sexual assault allegations pending against him. Charges would be dropped, re-filings were expected then never made. Finally the judge said the case had to go forward. He scheduled a TPR hearing for the father, but the man died suddenly shortly before that, and the Ericksons were able to adopt Rogue – whom her siblings nicknamed “Mouse.”

“You’re holding your breath until the final day,” Carol said, “and deep down we feared we would never get her…. It was so joyous and peaceful when we finally learned she would be ours.”

Mouse is 2½ now, and she has bonded with not only her siblings but the other children as well, especially Trey. She loves to put her arms around his neck and hang on tight.

“Our lives were in limbo for so long, and now we can go on with our lives,” Carol said. The family will soon move to a farm in Green Lake County.

“It’s very chaotic, but you can’t imagine your life without them. Even if one had been lost, it would’ve been such a hole in our lives, such a loss.

“Now ALL the children know this is where they will be taken care of. They are all with their sisters and brothers, and they’re all in the same house. No more questions, no more visits, no one is going anywhere.

“They’re so excited about their brand new start to life.”

Rick and Beth Dunnum with Nolan and Nyah

If you had asked Beth Dunnum 13 months ago if she wanted another baby, she would have said a resounding “No!” And this is despite her 8-year-old son, Nolan’s, repeated Christmas wish for a baby brother or sister.

Then the biological mother of her in-laws’ two adopted daughters had another baby. Because Larry and Roxanne Taylor also had an adopted boy, a biological son and older, grown children, they couldn’t adopt the baby. But they could foster. Roxanne, who is the sister of Beth’s husband, Rick, invited Beth to visit at her Pewaukee home when Nyah was two days old.

“I can’t take an infant,” Beth thought when she met Nyah. After she held her in her arms for about two seconds, she decided, “I can’t NOT take her!”

Dayna Berger

The Dunnums, who live in Appleton, got licensed as foster parents through Outagamie County and took all the necessary steps toward adoption. They frequently cared for Nyah for extended periods over the past year. And on Adoption Day, Nov. 16, they became her legal parents — and the siblings/cousins, big, happy extended family was created.

“This is a fabulous story!” presiding Children’s Court Judge Joe Donald told the Taylors and Dunnums – and all their various children – when he granted the adoption. “It’s always wonderful when families can be held together like this.”

The ongoing case manager for Nyah, IFS’s Dayna Berger, and all the adults hugged each other and wept as the children scurried around the courtroom and played with huge heart-shaped helium balloons.

“This is the end of one journey and the beginning of the next,” Beth said. “It seemed like a long 13 months, and now we can all breath a sigh of relief.”

Roxanne and Larry Taylor

Dana said she knew all along the Dunnums would be excellent parents for Nyah and that she was thrilled to play a role in making the adoption official.

Simi, 6, is aware that heir new cousin is also her sister, but Gabby, 2, is not. But it seemed to make no difference to her, Beth said, and when the families visit —which is frequent — the girls just rush to be together, Beth said.

And Roxanne is extremely happy to be around for all the gatherings, she said, adding that another miracle grew out of the adoption saga. When she took the necessary physical to adopt Gabby, she found she had colon cancer. It was caught early and after surgery, her health is just fine.

All everyone could conclude at the Children’s Courthouse was that life truly is good. “And we are all so happy!”

When Jackie Byrd-Harris and her husband, Boyce Harris, signed on to be treatment foster parents, they had no idea what they were getting into.

The first child they took in, when he was 14 in 2006, is autistic, nonverbal and would run out the door, up the street and into traffic. It took four to six hours to get him to go onto a bus and into school. He is a large teenager, he appeared aggressive, and people were afraid of him.

Respite providers would take him only once, and a group home also refused to let him return. For a year, a crisis worker had to come to the home every day because it was so difficult to get the boy out of the house. Area police and MUTT teams are very familiar with him because of his flight habits.

That young man, now 20, is still with the couple. They have become licensed as continuing care providers, which means he did not have to be institutionalized when he reached 18 and aged out of foster care, and he will be in their care for as long as he lives. Even with the challenges, the couple have been able to take in two other treatment foster kids who have changed significantly while under their compassionate care. Their current foster son turned 18 this year, and the plan is to help him transition to independent living before his 19th birthday.

“It’s very fulfilling to bring a child who is having issues, problems, into a home where they can be nurtured and we can just see their growth and development,” Boyce said in explaining how he and his wife have managed over the years.

“You just have to hang in there,” Jackie said. “You don’t give up on your own children! We don’t give up on these kids.”

Jackie admits she had second thoughts when she met her first foster son.

“But then I said, “You know what? He’s a kid.’ So we decided to give it a shot. You could see there was warmth there. He has a sense of humor and he really is a sweet kid.”

The young man does sign language, “when he wants to,” Jackie said, but he understands quite a bit. “We can give him one or two directives on a good day; on a bad day, six to 10,” she said with a laugh.

Once when he was 17, the couple were faltering under the strain and they did not think they could keep him in their home. As she told the story of seeing him at the county mental health complex, Jackie broke down. “We knew he didn’t fit in that type of environment,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. Within a week, he was back home with her and Boyce.

“He just had to see we’re here to help him,” Boyce said. “And to know he was here to stay, that he wasn’t going anywhere,” Jackie added.

As with their current foster son, Jackie and Boyce stress the need for maintining a relationship with biological families and respecting them. The first young man looks forward to his visits with his mother and his sister every weekend.

“These kids are already angry and upset by being here with you,” Jackie said. “You need to make sure they understand, ‘I’m here to help you, but you have a mom and dad to go back to.’ Our job is to help them with the next step, whether that’s reunification or aging out, to become productive citizens.”

Jackie chuckles when she tells how she made the foster teenager in her home cast a ballot in the recent election. He wanted to hang out with a relative who can be a bad influence on him, but she said, “That is not an option! You are going to vote!.”

At the polling place, Jackie gleefully announced “He’s a first time voter!” and “then he puffed up.” She photographed the young man, and when he finally put his ballot into the slot, he turned to her and said, “Man, that felt good!”

Boyce took him to get a state ID card and a bank account. The young man sings in their church choir, which Boyce said also gives him self-esteem.

“There are so many things out there pulling on him,” Jackie said. “We need to show him there is someone who cares about him and can help him understand there is a right way and a wrong way and to question, ‘Which path are you going to choose?’ ” Jackie said.

To handle the stress and strain in their own lives, the couple rely on their faith. Boyce is an associate pastor at their church, and they attend regularly. Jackie works out and gets massages.

They also said St. Aemilian-Lakeside is a real plus for them. “ We can call and talk to people. All along the way we’ve had that support, and we know they are always there for us,” Jackie said. The St. Aemilian-Lakeside training classes help them handle challenges with the young men in their home and they like the opportunities the agency gives them to interact with other foster families.

Strong supporters of foster care, the couple have a sign on their lawn encouraging others to “Grow Hope. Become a foster parent.” Jackie is working on a friend whose daughter is going off to college and who has room for a foster child. Boyce is promoting foster parenting at church.

“With all the challenges young people have these days and the environments they come from, it’s important for others to help them stabilize their lives,” Jackie said. “If I can make a difference putting time in and love, and they’re not out there robbing people, we can become part of the solution.”

Please encourage your friends and family to consider becoming a foster parent. For more information, have them call, toll free, 855-GROW HOPE.

When 7-year-old Marie came to live with St. Aemilian-Lakeside foster parent Ruby Hamilton, she had been removed from an in-patient psychiatric hospital that concluded the child was defiant, non-cooperative and doing herself more harm than good. After a little more than three months with Ruby and a daily focus on trauma informed care, Marie was getting along much better with other children and adults, displayed much less anxiety and consequent acting out, and was able to move back home with her grandmother.

“That made me feel good,” Ruby said. “It made me feel like I accomplished something with her.”

Deb Buchanan, the occupational therapist who helped Ruby learn several rhythmic and repetitive activities that are key to trauma informed care by promoting calming and healing, was surprised – and thrilled – that the case moved so quickly.

“It’s very encouraging to know that a caregiver with the qualities of Ruby, matched with trauma informed care information, had such an impact on this girl and she was reunified so quickly,” Deb said. “That’s really fantastic.

“Ruby provides a sense of safety and acceptance, she is patient, and she has a calm demeanor.” All of these qualities contributed to the relationship-building that also is central to trauma informed care.

Ruby said she just kept encouraging and re-directing Marie, who had experienced abuse and neglect by her biological mother. And she worked every day with rhythmic and repetitive activities, some of which she already knew about through trauma informed care training she had received at St. Aemilian-Lakeside. The regimen included bean bag tossing, hula hoops, rope-jumping, running, and ball-playing as well as deep breathing.

“It really calms them down,” Ruby said. Rhythmic and repetitive activities work on the lower portion of the brain, which controls behavior in a child in the throes of anger or terror. Higher-brain functions such as reasoning and logic – “Why are you acting like this?” – are not even accessible when a traumatized child is experiencing stress and fear. For more information, click here.

Ruby also met with Marie’s grandmother and re-enforced the need for doing these activities regularly at home.

While living with Ruby, Marie spent half days in day treatment and half days in school. Ruby advocated for Marie at her school, telling them that rather than suspending her for perceived bad behavior they should try some of the things that would stabilize her. For instance, she told them to try to give Marie a quiet place and a coloring book, because the child colors to soothe herself when she is anxious and on the verge of a full-blown crisis.

Wraparound Milwaukee and the Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare did safety planning with Marie’s grandmother to help her understand her granddaughter’s needs, and the woman also participated in therapy with Marie.

“Lots of kids in foster care have been traumatized,” Ruby said. “And this trauma informed care works. It’s a lot of work — you have to keep remembering and reminding the child – but it works!”

Being foster mother for youth who have serious life concerns can be a challenge, Sherrie Miller says. But she can’t seem to break the ties she forms with the kids she helps.

Sherrie, who works through St. Aemilian-Lakeside, has cared for several challenged girls in the seven years she’s been a treatment foster mom. And she maintains contact with almost all of them. Three have had babies, and she was there at their births. One didn’t have food one time and Sherrie collected food for the young woman. Her former foster kids call her for advice, such as how to fill out a tax form.

One former foster child, whose file initially made Sherrie think she would be really difficult, turned out to be one of the best placements she had. The young woman is now in nursing school, Sherrie proudly recounts.

“I teach them, ‘Don’t burn bridges; you never know when you’ll need someone,’ ” Sherrie said with a smile, talking about all the bridges she has maintained.

She now has two 16-year-old foster boys, along with her biological son, also 16. Her son “wasn’t crazy about the girls, but he’s getting along really well with the boys. They have fun together, rap together, do boys stuff.”

But things aren’t always smooth. As with any teens, these kids have their ups and downs. Sherrie handles the downs with affection and humor. For instance, one of the boys got suspended from school.

“Rather than screaming and fussing, I just gave him a big hug and said, ‘You must be having a bad day, and you love me so much you wanted to be home with me to clean up the attic.’ ”

One of the boys faked a seizure. “I just said that for every minute he’s unconscious, I’m deducting from his allowance. He woke up and recovered very quickly!”

Sherrie ensures that the foster boys maintain contact with their biological moms, who, for various reasons, can’t care for them. “I tell them (the moms), ‘There is nothing that can really replace a mother. That bond can’t be broken. Your being in their lives helps me, and it really helps them a lot.’ ”

It is unusual for a foster parent of seriously challenged kids to maintain ties to this degree, but the biological mothers really admire her parenting skills, Sherrie said, and they can see how happy their kids are.

There is a real need for foster parents, Sherrie said. She tells people who are interested, “You’ll be doing a great service if you open up your home … These kids need to be with a family … And this is giving back to the community, helping boys and girls who have no role models, become parents at a younger and younger age, often get involved in drugs or alcohol and suffer abuse,” she said.

And the rewards are great. “When I get a hug or a kiss or a compliment, that’s reward enough,” she said, adding that she’ll continue to foster kids in needs “as long as I can do it.”