Trauma informed care speeds reunification

When 7-year-old Marie came to live with St. Aemilian-Lakeside foster parent Ruby Hamilton, she had been removed from an in-patient psychiatric hospital that concluded the child was defiant, non-cooperative and doing herself more harm than good. After a little more than three months with Ruby and a daily focus on trauma informed care, Marie was getting along much better with other children and adults, displayed much less anxiety and consequent acting out, and was able to move back home with her grandmother.

“That made me feel good,” Ruby said. “It made me feel like I accomplished something with her.”

Deb Buchanan, the occupational therapist who helped Ruby learn several rhythmic and repetitive activities that are key to trauma informed care by promoting calming and healing, was surprised – and thrilled – that the case moved so quickly.

“It’s very encouraging to know that a caregiver with the qualities of Ruby, matched with trauma informed care information, had such an impact on this girl and she was reunified so quickly,” Deb said. “That’s really fantastic.

“Ruby provides a sense of safety and acceptance, she is patient, and she has a calm demeanor.” All of these qualities contributed to the relationship-building that also is central to trauma informed care.

Ruby said she just kept encouraging and re-directing Marie, who had experienced abuse and neglect by her biological mother. And she worked every day with rhythmic and repetitive activities, some of which she already knew about through trauma informed care training she had received at St. Aemilian-Lakeside. The regimen included bean bag tossing, hula hoops, rope-jumping, running, and ball-playing as well as deep breathing.

“It really calms them down,” Ruby said. Rhythmic and repetitive activities work on the lower portion of the brain, which controls behavior in a child in the throes of anger or terror. Higher-brain functions such as reasoning and logic – “Why are you acting like this?” — are not even accessible when a traumatized child is experiencing stress and fear. For more information, click here.

Ruby also met with Marie’s grandmother and re-enforced the need for doing these activities regularly at home.

While living with Ruby, Marie spent half days in day treatment and half days in school. Ruby advocated for Marie at her school, telling them that rather than suspending her for perceived bad behavior they should try some of the things that would stabilize her. For instance, she told them to try to give Marie a quiet place and a coloring book, because the child colors to soothe herself when she is anxious and on the verge of a full-blown crisis.

Humor, affection, ties with families help foster mom succeed

Being foster mother for youth who have serious life concerns can be a challenge, Sherrie Miller says. But she can’t seem to break the ties she forms with the kids she helps.

Sherrie, who works through St. Aemilian-Lakeside, has cared for several challenged girls in the seven years she’s been a treatment foster mom. And she maintains contact with almost all of them. Three have had babies, and she was there at their births. One didn’t have food one time and Sherrie collected food for the young woman. Her former foster kids call her for advice, such as how to fill out a tax form.

One former foster child, whose file initially made Sherrie think she would be really difficult, turned out to be one of the best placements she had. The young woman is now in nursing school, Sherrie proudly recounts.

“I teach them, ‘Don’t burn bridges; you never know when you’ll need someone,’ ” Sherrie said with a smile, talking about all the bridges she has maintained.

She now has two 16-year-old foster boys, along with her biological son, also 16. Her son “wasn’t crazy about the girls, but he’s getting along really well with the boys. They have fun together, rap together, do boys stuff.”

But things aren’t always smooth. As with any teens, these kids have their ups and downs. Sherrie handles the downs with affection and humor. For instance, one of the boys got suspended from school.

“Rather than screaming and fussing, I just gave him a big hug and said, ‘You must be having a bad day, and you love me so much you wanted to be home with me to clean up the attic.’ ”

One of the boys faked a seizure. “I just said that for every minute he’s unconscious, I’m deducting from his allowance. He woke up and recovered very quickly!”

Sherrie ensures that the foster boys maintain contact with their biological moms, who, for various reasons, can’t care for them. “I tell them (the moms), ‘There is nothing that can really replace a mother. That bond can’t be broken. Your being in their lives helps me, and it really helps them a lot.’ ”

It is unusual for a foster parent of seriously challenged kids to maintain ties to this degree, but the biological mothers really admire her parenting skills, Sherrie said, and they can see how happy their kids are.

There is a real need for foster parents, Sherrie said. She tells people who are interested, “You’ll be doing a great service if you open up your home … These kids need to be with a family … And this is giving back to the community, helping boys and girls who have no role models, become parents at a younger and younger age, often get involved in drugs or alcohol and suffer abuse,” she said.

And the rewards are great. “When I get a hug or a kiss or a compliment, that’s reward enough,” she said, adding that she’ll continue to foster kids in needs “as long as I can do it.”

Retirement means becoming a foster dad

Being a retired, single man could mean spending lots of time fishing, or traveling, or just hanging out more. For Lee Harris, 57, it means being a foster parent for an 11-year-old boy with serious behavioral challenges.

“I’m pretty much a settled-type person,” Lee said. “So I’m not really making a huge sacrifice. I don’t see this as interfering with what I want to do. I relax at home!”

But caring for his foster son is not really what most people would call relaxing. Lee is involved in the PTA and all the boy’s school functions and hobbies, he attends behavioral training programs at St. Aemilian-Lakeside, through which he is licensed, and he really works at helping his foster son overcome his problems and have a better life.

The way Lee sees it, the boy spent 10 years without someone regularly reminding him how he is supposed to behave. When the boy joined Lee’s home in May 2010, he acted out a lot and had serious problems respecting women.

“But I’ve learned a lot of behaviors can be overcome, through persistence, trying to help him deal with issues, being patient, and above all, showing a lot of love and concern.”

Lee says it is particularly important for boys to have male role models, so they learn what it really means to be a man, and not to define themselves through pop culture.

“Boys need the input from men to see the caring and compassionate side of men. Strength is not like it’s portrayed on TV or in music. A lot of it comes from enduring love.”

Lee says he talks to his foster son daily about the importance of respecting people and treating them like you would want to be treated. The good news is that the boy is accepting his advice more and more, and sometimes he will even apologize for unacceptable behavior.

Lee sometimes gets a surprised reaction to a middle-aged man taking in a foster child.  “But that’s until they get to know me; then they think I’m right for this.”

In addition to getting the satisfaction of knowing he can help a child be a better person, Lee has learned to really appreciate the traditional role many women play, he said.

“A lot of men don’t realize what it’s like to be a single mom; I’ve got to give credit to women who do so much for three or four children, and I’ve got only one!” he said with a smile.

Lee said he wishes more men would get involved in becoming foster parents. One of his greatest rewards, he said, is an occasional hug or a thank you from his foster son. “But even if he doesn’t say anything, I can feel it. Just to see his face, to see how happy he is … sometimes I just observe his face, and then I know.

“It’s not too challenging. Any man who is willing to put in the time and effort can do this,” he said. “And you get someone who loves you and appreciates you for what you do.”

Foster parent finds success working with challenged kids

Jacqueline Lambert started fostering children when she was 19, not through any agency, just helping out friends and family. Since 16, she tutored younger kids and baby-sat. When she was 38, she saw an ad for a professional foster parent and applied.

For the last two years, Jacqueline has worked in that role, which entails taking in a child with severe behavioral challenges (levels 3 and 4). She also taps into community resources.

The goal of the program, which is a full-time job through St. Aemilian-Lakeside, is to transition a child within a year back to his or her home, to a longer-term foster care setting, or to an independent living program that supports youth who are aging out of foster care.

Jacqueline, a single professional with a master’s degree in educational psychology and a bachelor’s degree in sociology, has had a 16-year-old girl with her since December 2010. Previously she had a 14-year-old. Although she is highly trained, the lessons she has learned working with children who have suffered trauma such as abuse and neglect are pertinent for any foster parent – or the parent of any child.

And the rewards she achieves are great: just getting her foster child to go to school regularly is a big one. Getting a child to sit properly at a table may seem small but can be a really gratifying sign of progress, she said.

“I love working with kids and knowing the progress they make is coming from something I’m helping them with.”

Behaviorally challenged foster kids, from levels 3 and 4, may not often say thanks, but actions speak louder than words. After the first girl she fostered moved back home, Jacqueline found a paper she had written on who is her hero in life – naming Jacqueline.

“I knew I had an impact, I just didn’t know it was that much or that she felt that way,” Jacqueline said.

How does she help kids progress? Rather than giving them just rules, she gives them expectations, allows them to make mistakes, and rewards success – but not all the time, to keep them on their toes. She teaches that you may not always like the things you have to do in life – like going to a therapy session – but in the end, these things are necessary and beneficial.

The biggest challenge working with troubled adolescents, she says, is getting them to take responsibility for their own actions, “because, in life, there are consequences for everything you do, whether good or bad.”

When people ask her about becoming a foster parent to children who have suffered trauma, she tells them the most important thing is willingness to focus a lot of time and attention on the child. It’s a choice she freely made.

“I pick the child everyone says is the worst child,” she said smiling. “But I know that everybody has something good in them. You just have to see it — and then you have to show it to them.”

Understanding, not pity, is key to being a good foster mom

Understanding that the trauma that some foster children have suffered is behind their challenging behavior and not feeling sorry for them are keys to Erma Springfield’s success in working with these young people.

“When I first got involved with foster care (for levels 3 or 4 children), I thought I could cure these kids, that they just needed someone to work with them and that they’d be fine,” she said with a laugh. “I learned I can’t cure them, that they have to work on their issues themselves; my job is to help them and make sure they have support.

“And I don’t feel sorry for them. I feel empathy. If you understand that they have been traumatized, you don’t take things they do personally.”

Erma, who has been a SAL foster parent for challenged children for eight years. Here, through classes and regular visits from a foster care specialist, she learned all abut the effects trauma such as abuse and neglect have on children and ways to work with these kids. She said she learned to change her point of view from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

As an example, she points to a 14-year-old whose mother did not want her at home because of her behavior and who then had to leave a temporary home where she had become close to her foster mother. When she moved in with Erma, the girl had tantrums and jumped up and down like a 2-year-old.

“But I realized she has this sense of loss; she’s mourning! I sometimes say, ‘I’d be upset too if all this was happening to me!’”

With foster kids, Erma notes she hasn’t had an influence on them since they were babies, which makes it more difficult bringing them into her home. Her work has been with girls, mostly teen-agers. She has a 13-year-old biological daughter at home, in addition to two adult children.

“Its hard, hard work,” Erma said. “But it makes you feel good about helping these young ladies … It’s rewarding when you talk to these kids, about respect and respecting themselves,  and the importance of education and getting a job, and you get to a point where they can discuss their issues.”  And sometimes, when she is just talking with them about everyday things, like music or fashion, it can be downright fun.

Erma first learned about being a foster parent for challenged children from another one. She has now recruited her adult son and is working on getting a friend into the St. Aemilian-Lakeside program.

“I tell them the truth. This is hard, but a lot of kids need someone who actually cares about what happens to them and has their best interests at heart  … And they see my foster kids are not monsters,” she added with a laugh.

On a practical level, Erma said traumatized children who don’t get help may end up having a negative impact on the community.

“If you can’t get them on the right track, they could be the kid who comes up and robs you or steals your car.”

Why does Erma continue working with troubled kids? “Even though it’s a very difficult and challenging job, it seems like I was cut out for it,” she said with a smile. “You just have to want to do this – and make a difference.”

From homelessness to having a real future

Wilton Johnson casually talks about living in a drug house for two years while he was in high school. He managed to graduate, but no one knew about the lie he was living.

The worst part, he says, was having little to eat, basically living on Raman noodles he could buy when his cousin, who owned the place, gave him a couple dollars here and there.

But the experience, which followed being thrown out of his house and six years in foster care, took its toll. A sister took him in, but that didn’t work out either. Wil felt like she was treating him as a son while she had one of her own to care for. He felt like a burden and became seriously depressed.

Wil ended up in the county mental health complex and later in a county-run group home. While there, his mother visited him. “She said, ‘You belong here,’ and she walked out and left,” Wil said. “It was hard; I felt like something’s gotta happen with my life.”

Landing in a homeless shelter, a social worker referred him to the Supportive Permanent Housing program at St. Aemilian-Lakeside. Things finally began to happen.

Will has now been in the program for nearly two years. He lives in a one-bedroom apartment, with furnishings and food supplied by St. Aemilian-Lakeside. The agency has set him up with a therapist, and he is visited weekly by a Supportive Permanent Housing case manager.

He attends MATC full time and wants to become a teacher, with an ultimate goal of becoming a dean, “when I’m about 60 years old!” he said with a laugh.

Wil laughs a lot now, thanks in large part to his case managers and the life’s path they are helping him follow. “She’s the difference between being here and being homeless,” he said about Katie Ball, his former case manager, who very recently left St. Aemilian-Lakeside to return to graduate school.

Katie describes Wil as a young man who is very curious and engaged.  “One can sit for hours and discuss with Wil, current events, societal issues and politics,” she said. “He can debate with the best of them. He is a joy to spend time with.”

The Supportive Permanent Housing program serves nine formerly homeless young adults 18-24 who, like Wil, have mental health concerns on some level and need support to transition to adulthood and become productive members of the community in which we all live. The program is one of three St. Aemilian-Lakeside started within the last four years that provide independent living services to former foster youth.

“This is a population that really needs our help,” said Jane Ottow, Independent Living Services supervisor. “Without it, many end up on the streets, preyed upon, or ultimately in the criminal justice system.”

There’s a lot of work that goes into keeping Wil and the other young people in the program safe, happy and focused on their future. For Wil, the best thing is not thinking too much about his past.

“It’s too scary to think about what life would have been like without St. Aemilian’s.”

Big, lovable dog helps bring compassionate healing to troubled boys in residential unit

Bentley, a 2-year-old Bernese Mountain Dog, has yielded remarkable results in his work with emotionally disturbed boys in St. Aemilian-Lakeside’s residential treatment program. With compassionate canine attention, Bentley has helped several boys open up and move toward healing.

The animal-assisted therapy program started last year with Bogey, a 9-year-old golden retriever, working with boys ages 7-11 in the Challenger unit. Bentley recently completed a multi-week session working with children in Endeavor, who are ages 11-14. His owner/handler, Cheryl Pabich, is a volunteer with Health Heelers, an animal-assisted therapy program run by Laura Hey.

In an initial session, Laura shared Bentley’s “resume” with the kids, including his “scariest experience.” The dog was born in Canada, so the experience entailed:  “Leaving mom, dad, brothers and sisters, meeting new step-parents and flying on a plane in a small pet carrier. (I was only 7 weeks old!) When I got to my new home, I had three step-brothers that I needed to meet and get along with. I needed to respect that I came into their home.”

The boys, many of whom can relate to being uprooted and having to adjust to unfamiliar surroundings in a new home, then took turns being invited into Bentley’s “personal space” to share their own scariest experience or memory.

“You could have heard a pin drop,” therapist Kathleen Tompkins said. “The boys were incredibly respectful and really listened to each story.” Some of the stories had never been shared before, “even after months of work.  … The boys seemed to realize how important the sharing was.”

“He’s very sensitive,” Cheryl said. “He will lick the boys’ heads and move to comfort them when they tell their stories.”

Later, two of the boys talked about being mean to another boy in the group and said they wanted to tell him they were sorry. Two other boys brought up the Bentley experience in their family-therapy sessions, Kathleen said, telling their parents they don’t feel so alone or like they were the only one after hearing the other boys’ traumatic stories.

“It is just so safe to tell their families about Bentley, show off his pictures, and talk about him,” Kathleen said.

At a subsequent session, the group talked about how we categorize dogs and people using first impressions and stereotypes (pit bulls are mean, etc.) At that session, one of the boys turned to all the others and told them how an absent boy does better when they treat him nicely and don’t pick on him. They talked about how the absent boy can act appropriately when one of the youth counselors is at his side at school, just as Bentley knows how to act in a group when his owner is at his side, but how he can be naughty when she is at work.

The first boy later told Kathleen he had decided to befriend the absent boy to try to help him calm down. The first boy sat beside the other boy in a group session on the unit, coached him to calm down, and managed to get him through an entire group – “something that rarely happens,” Kathleen said. Boy no. 1 has also started writing poems.

“This is the most upbeat he has sounded in weeks. I’m sold on this therapy dog,” Kathleen said.

Transitions School combines academics and therapy for troubled boys

When Liz Matola sees staff and students in the Transitions Therapeutic School laughing, she knows something deeper is going on.

“I see strong relationships; I see the staff enjoying their craft, and the kids feeling safe and happy and comfortable,” said Liz, who heads the school as its clinical coordinator.

Those things are not always easily achieved in such a school setting. Transitions, which is housed in St. Aemilian-Lakeside and just started its new school year, provides academic and therapeutic services to boys from 6 to 17 years. Most have experienced trauma, and each child must be evaluated according to his individual needs: academic, therapeutic, relational, developmental and emotional.

Ninety percent of the boys in this program are also in St. Aemilian-Lakeside’s residential program, where they reside on-site because of their serious emotional and behavioral challenges, and 10 percent are day students, referred because their emotional and behavioral needs cannot be met in a regular school. Because each is so different, what Liz calls a “recipe card” is provided for each boy.

“We may have 12 kids in a class on different academic levels, with different therapeutic needs, and different trauma histories,” she said. Although the school’s three classrooms do tend to break down by age, the boys are grouped based on therapeutic, developmental and emotional as well as academic needs. “We try to place them where they will be most successful.”

With a teacher and two support staff in each classroom, the focus is on each child’s individual strengths and mastering skills, so that he can go on to achieve more complex goals. Music, movement, rhythmic and repetitive activities that address a child’s past traumatic experiences by calming brain activity are part of the therapy conducted in classrooms to help the boys with self-regulation.

Boys are evaluated and reinforced every hour on their behavior, participation and treatment goals. As an incentive, they can earn rewards from candy or juice to T-shirts, crafts or games.

Because of the boys’ behavior issues, classes can become disruptive. But the staff avoid verbal sparring and instead participate in what Liz calls echoing: singing a song or clapping hands to re-engage the kids. Lesson plans can involve games and field trips, such as a visit to a museum.

All students receive therapy services to support their needs. The therapist who serves day students acts as a liaison with the home school district, the family and the organization purchasing the services. In addition to seeing the child a minimum of once a week individually, the therapist sits in on classrooms and works hands-on with the boys and helps facilitate transitioning them back to their home schools. Residential boys remain in Transitions school as long as they require residential services, and they also earn credits that transfer to outside schools after they leave.

Liz is celebrating one year as the head of the school, the first licensed clinical social worker in this job. She says the school is unlike a lot of other programs, with its combined academic and therapeutic focus and implementing trauma informed care so heavily. For more information on trauma informed care, click here. http://www.st-al.org/trauma-informed-care/ She said Transitions’ work to translate what is done there into an outside school setting to help ensure success after the boy leaves sets it apart.

In the past year she has seen a “more stable, healthy and safe therapeutic and academic environment. Our team is achieving the ability to teach students who weren’t regulated enough (emotionally and behaviorally) to feel safe and comfortable learning.”

And the staff remain future-focused, she said, always talking about ideas and how they can use them to expand their abilities. “Even when they are making progress, they always see that there is room to take things to the next level.”

Academic achievement, measured by testing upon a boy’s discharge, is way up and parents are reporting changes in their sons they never have seen before, Liz said. All of this makes her really proud. One particular success story has really moved her.

A boy in middle school has been in Transitions longer than the typical stay, now into his second school year. Liz said she used to think the sooner a boy moved on the better.

“This boy has made more progress than I ever thought he would make,” she said. Because of the individualized work with him, in therapy and in the classroom, plus relationships staff built with the boy, a kid who used to have extremely aggressive behavior, problems interacting with women, and social difficulties so severe that he hated being touched will now shake a hand, look someone in they eye, and interacts positively with her and other female staff.

“His grandmother says she thanks us every day, because she knows how challenging he can be. And that’s ultimately what this is all about.”

Education is key to success for young woman in ILS

After spending 15 years in the foster care system, in more than 20 foster homes, Ashley Stokes is determined to get an education and get ahead.

This 21-year-old’s dream is to some day run a group home for teenage girls, who she says too often are “voiceless.” Ashley came close to living on the streets more than once, and she understands their feelings and their needs.

So she is studying two tracks at Milwaukee Area Technical School, management and human services. She also is licensed as a certified nursing assistant and hopes to get into phlebotomy work to earn money in the short term while she works toward her dream job.

St. Aemilian-Lakeside, which is serving her through its Independent Living Services (ILS) program is keeping her on track, helping her stay focused and teaching her the life skills, such as budgeting – which she admits she needs help with — to succeed. ILS serves young people who have aged out of foster care at 18 and because of their often unstable backgrounds need help to transition successfully to adulthood.

Through ILS, Ashley was provided with an apartment for 18 months, furniture, food assistance, start-up household goods and case management.

“Whatever you need, they’re always there for you,” Ashley said. She has transitioned from an 18-month program to one that provides long-term case management and guidance, and she has received help with a security deposit and rent so she could find her own place to live.

The bedrock, however, is education. Ashley knows it’s the key to her future.

“I want to do it (get more education), because I want to go farther, to expand my career. And I want more things out of life. I like working with youth, and because of what I’ve been through, I want to give back to those who can’t speak for themselves.”

In addition to helping her achieve her goals, Ashley notes that furthering her education helps her learn things she would not know because of her fragmented personal background. And it puts her in contact with people who are different from her, so she can learn more from other people’s knowledge and experiences.

Staying in school is sometimes hard, Ashley admits, and sometimes she gets stressed. But she walks along the lake to de-stress and she talks to her past and current ILS counselors.

“Christine (Woods, her former case manager) was always pushing me to do more; she’s like a mother to me,” Ashley said. “Loretta (Williams, her current youth counselor) has a lot of insight. She helps me with my occasional attitude problem – well, I don’t really have an attitude problem, but I’m a strong- minded person – and she gives me someone to talk to who won’t judge me.”

Is she going to make it? To realize her dream?

“Yes I am!” Ashley says firmly. “For sure!” She won’t even allow her self to consider what life might be like if she didn’t stay in school and stay on course.

“She’s so persistent and determined, especially with school and what needs to be done,” Loretta said. “She will take the first steps she needs in her life rather than waiting for someone else.”

And what will life be like when she achieves her education and her dream? Ashley’s face lights up in a huge smile.

“Then life can be beautiful, it can be gorgeous!”

Former foster child says staying positive is key to success

A 19-year-old who was in about 15 different foster placements by the time he was 10, then a variety of group and residential homes might be expected to be down on life.

Not Alexander James. Despite some very trying times, this teen-ager never gives up.

“Even though other people didn’t believe I could do it, I’ve got to exceed expectations and overcome the odds,” he said.

Alex is upbeat and focused – to the point of being accused of being boring, he said with a laugh. Rather than go out, he likes to study, sell home-made brownies and chocolate-covered strawberries to make extra cash, and keep his eye on his goals.

He is not sure what he wants to be after he finishes Milwaukee Area Technical College, but he characterizes himself as an entrepreneur, someone who wants to be something big one day. And, because he “grew up in the system” and loves children, he hopes to make a difference for them somehow.

“In the foster system, sometimes you feel like an outcast, and I still feel like it sometimes,” he said. “The rules change from house to house, but it made me who I am today …. When you dwell on this stuff, you get negative. You gotta keep moving and stay positive.”

And that’s one thing this young man certainly is. A sign in his living room reads, “Believe there are no limits but the sky.” A Post-it adds: “Pray before you leave, and whether spiritual, intellectual, material or physical, come back with more than you left with.”

“Alex has great determination to overcome adversity, and I believe that society will have to brace itself for his positive contributions!” said Tony Penman, who worked with Alex in St. Aemilian-Lakeside’s Independent Living Services program. The program’s goal is to help youth like Alex successfully transfer to adulthood with a variety of life-skills, educational and vocational assistance.

Alex enjoys being in the program because, he said, it provides support and honors his independence. For now, Alex likes selling his home-made sweets at school, church and barber shops. “I have a knack for it, and the gift of gab.”

Will he make it big some day? “I have no other choice, I came too far, and I don’t see myself settling for less. Failure’s not an option for me.”

Reflecting back on his foster days, and showing wisdom well beyond his 19 years, he said, “Kids lose hope sometimes, but if you believe in yourself, no matter where you’re at, you can prosper … You can’t let another person define what you are. You need to find your dream and follow it and not be afraid to fail.

“If you’re afraid to fail, you’re afraid to succeed.”