Her father got sole custody of her at age 4 and until she was 14 gave her ultimatums: perform sexual favors for him or not be allowed to do almost anything she wanted.

She ultimately disclosed the abuse, and her father was arrested and sentenced to 19 years in prison. Jenni bounced among various family members. But her past trauma took its toll.

She experienced four inpatient stays at a psychiatric hospital, where a doctor said she was the most suicidal child he had ever met. She had horrible nightmares and talked several times a day about doing  things such as stepping in front of a semi to kill herself and end her pain.

Later she was placed in a residential treatment facility. In June of 2010, the St. Aemilian-Lakeside subsidiary Integrated Family Services (IFS) got involved, and Jenni’s life finally began to turn around.

Enter what is called the neurosequential model of therapeutics, or NMT. This trauma-informed practice, which is rooted in brain development, identifies when trauma occurred in the life of a child and creates interventions to mitigate it. Assessments mapped Jenni’s trauma, what it consisted of, and what interventions were likely to help.

“It was eye-opening,” said Tracy Clark, Ongoing Case Management supervisor at IFS.

The NMT assessments involved Jenni’s maternal aunt, Susan, with whom she is now living, her biological mother and other family members. Other participants included her IFS case manager, Kimberly Moran, and other staff who had worked with her.

Some first steps to address her trauma included giving her a nightlight, controlling certain smells that triggered fears, leaving her door open at night, and adding a lock on her door to allow her to control who would enter.

“It was a big thing just figuring out how to engage her, how to involve her,” Tracy said. “She had very deeply held memories of what her father made her do, and she had no ability to self-regulate before.”

Because it is known that rhythmic and repetitive activities soothe and calm the brain of a traumatized child, other interventions included swinging, Zumba, playing the guitar, and artwork.

“She’s a very sensitive girl, and she just wants to be like a normal teenager,” Kimberly said.

Her path to normalcy was enhanced by her very supportive aunt, with whom Jenni went to live when she was released from the residential facility, along with her aunt’s significant other, Bob. They both have kids of their own, but they also took in Jenni’s half-brother, creating a large and lively blended family. Susan is a kinship provider and is going through licensing to be Jenni’s long-term guardian.

Susan and Bob attended introductory and advanced trauma informed care training conducted by St. Aemilian-Lakeside, and “it gave us some good insight,” Susan said.

The emphasis on patterned, rhythmic movements and using music to soothe a child “put a framework, a name to it, and it helps with all of the kids,” Bob said. They said the trainings gave them more patience and understanding, a realization that Jenni’s acting out was not something they caused or provoked and that they should not take things personally.

“We can look at what she’s been through and know that’s obviously why she has problems,” Bob said.

Jenni has made tremendous progress, and Susan and Bob are dedicated to maintaining a stable family for her and helping her achieve the life they say she deserves. Now a sophomore, she is doing well in school. She rides her bike to help calm herself; she loves rugby and plays on a team. She also takes ballet classes and has dreams of studying in the dance division of the Juilliard School in New York, Michelle said.

“We said we will just pull up in our RV and see her!” Susan said. “She is now talking about goals, and she has every opportunity to do whatever she wants to do.”

“Trauma informed care absolutely has made a huge impact on how comfortable I feel and how I feel prepared to care for her,” Bob said.

“Trauma informed care opens the door to understanding. It’s nothing short of a miracle.”

To learn more about trauma informed care and to view an informative video, click here.

Three fires ravaged St. Aemilian’s Orphanage, but after each fire the orphanage rose from the ashes like the mythical phoenix and was reborn. Surprisingly no one was injured or killed in any of the three fires. The Sisters of St. Francis of Assisi, who ran the orphanage, probably attributed the lack of injuries or fatalities to the orphanage’s namesake, St. Aemilian, the protector of orphans.

Read the full article.

“That made me feel good,” Ruby said. “It made me feel like I accomplished something with her.”

Deb Buchanan, the occupational therapist who helped Ruby learn several rhythmic and repetitive activities that are key to trauma informed care by promoting calming and healing, was surprised – and thrilled – that the case moved so quickly.

“It’s very encouraging to know that a caregiver with the qualities of Ruby, matched with trauma informed care information, had such an impact on this girl and she was reunified so quickly,” Deb said. “That’s really fantastic.

“Ruby provides a sense of safety and acceptance, she is patient, and she has a calm demeanor.” All of these qualities contributed to the relationship-building that also is central to trauma informed care.

Ruby said she just kept encouraging and re-directing Marie, who had experienced abuse and neglect by her biological mother. And she worked every day with rhythmic and repetitive activities, some of which she already knew about through trauma informed care training she had received at St. Aemilian-Lakeside. The regimen included bean bag tossing, hula hoops, rope-jumping, running, and ball-playing as well as deep breathing.

“It really calms them down,” Ruby said. Rhythmic and repetitive activities work on the lower portion of the brain, which controls behavior in a child in the throes of anger or terror. Higher-brain functions such as reasoning and logic – “Why are you acting like this?” — are not even accessible when a traumatized child is experiencing stress and fear. For more information, click here.

Ruby also met with Marie’s grandmother and re-enforced the need for doing these activities regularly at home.

While living with Ruby, Marie spent half days in day treatment and half days in school. Ruby advocated for Marie at her school, telling them that rather than suspending her for perceived bad behavior they should try some of the things that would stabilize her. For instance, she told them to try to give Marie a quiet place and a coloring book, because the child colors to soothe herself when she is anxious and on the verge of a full-blown crisis.

Sherrie, who works through St. Aemilian-Lakeside, has cared for several challenged girls in the seven years she’s been a treatment foster mom. And she maintains contact with almost all of them. Three have had babies, and she was there at their births. One didn’t have food one time and Sherrie collected food for the young woman. Her former foster kids call her for advice, such as how to fill out a tax form.

One former foster child, whose file initially made Sherrie think she would be really difficult, turned out to be one of the best placements she had. The young woman is now in nursing school, Sherrie proudly recounts.

“I teach them, ‘Don’t burn bridges; you never know when you’ll need someone,’ ” Sherrie said with a smile, talking about all the bridges she has maintained.

She now has two 16-year-old foster boys, along with her biological son, also 16. Her son “wasn’t crazy about the girls, but he’s getting along really well with the boys. They have fun together, rap together, do boys stuff.”

But things aren’t always smooth. As with any teens, these kids have their ups and downs. Sherrie handles the downs with affection and humor. For instance, one of the boys got suspended from school.

“Rather than screaming and fussing, I just gave him a big hug and said, ‘You must be having a bad day, and you love me so much you wanted to be home with me to clean up the attic.’ ”

One of the boys faked a seizure. “I just said that for every minute he’s unconscious, I’m deducting from his allowance. He woke up and recovered very quickly!”

Sherrie ensures that the foster boys maintain contact with their biological moms, who, for various reasons, can’t care for them. “I tell them (the moms), ‘There is nothing that can really replace a mother. That bond can’t be broken. Your being in their lives helps me, and it really helps them a lot.’ ”

It is unusual for a foster parent of seriously challenged kids to maintain ties to this degree, but the biological mothers really admire her parenting skills, Sherrie said, and they can see how happy their kids are.

There is a real need for foster parents, Sherrie said. She tells people who are interested, “You’ll be doing a great service if you open up your home … These kids need to be with a family … And this is giving back to the community, helping boys and girls who have no role models, become parents at a younger and younger age, often get involved in drugs or alcohol and suffer abuse,” she said.

And the rewards are great. “When I get a hug or a kiss or a compliment, that’s reward enough,” she said, adding that she’ll continue to foster kids in needs “as long as I can do it.”

“I’m pretty much a settled-type person,” Lee said. “So I’m not really making a huge sacrifice. I don’t see this as interfering with what I want to do. I relax at home!”

But caring for his foster son is not really what most people would call relaxing. Lee is involved in the PTA and all the boy’s school functions and hobbies, he attends behavioral training programs at St. Aemilian-Lakeside, through which he is licensed, and he really works at helping his foster son overcome his problems and have a better life.

The way Lee sees it, the boy spent 10 years without someone regularly reminding him how he is supposed to behave. When the boy joined Lee’s home in May 2010, he acted out a lot and had serious problems respecting women.

“But I’ve learned a lot of behaviors can be overcome, through persistence, trying to help him deal with issues, being patient, and above all, showing a lot of love and concern.”

Lee says it is particularly important for boys to have male role models, so they learn what it really means to be a man, and not to define themselves through pop culture.

“Boys need the input from men to see the caring and compassionate side of men. Strength is not like it’s portrayed on TV or in music. A lot of it comes from enduring love.”

Lee says he talks to his foster son daily about the importance of respecting people and treating them like you would want to be treated. The good news is that the boy is accepting his advice more and more, and sometimes he will even apologize for unacceptable behavior.

Lee sometimes gets a surprised reaction to a middle-aged man taking in a foster child.  “But that’s until they get to know me; then they think I’m right for this.”

In addition to getting the satisfaction of knowing he can help a child be a better person, Lee has learned to really appreciate the traditional role many women play, he said.

“A lot of men don’t realize what it’s like to be a single mom; I’ve got to give credit to women who do so much for three or four children, and I’ve got only one!” he said with a smile.

Lee said he wishes more men would get involved in becoming foster parents. One of his greatest rewards, he said, is an occasional hug or a thank you from his foster son. “But even if he doesn’t say anything, I can feel it. Just to see his face, to see how happy he is … sometimes I just observe his face, and then I know.

“It’s not too challenging. Any man who is willing to put in the time and effort can do this,” he said. “And you get someone who loves you and appreciates you for what you do.”

The public is invited to learn about how St. Aemilian-Lakeside and its subsidiary Integrated Family Services create community through foster care, adoptions and compassionate, family-focused services. Attendees will meet some of our dedicated foster parents and learn how our rich, 161-year history and array of services bring healing and grow hope for children and families in need.

 The need for foster parents is extensive and ever-present:

• As many as 100 children from infants to age 17 are removed from their homes each month because they are not safe
• There are over 2,000 children in foster care at any given time.

 Foster parents can be single, married or partnered individuals, be employed outside the home and have children of their own in the home. They must also:

• Have love and patience to share
• Be invested in the future of our community’s children

 St. Aemilian-Lakeside provides foster parents with an array of services, including information sessions in a relaxed, welcoming atmosphere; services to foster kids to meet their physical, educational, behavioral and emotional needs; round-the-clock access to social work staff and a crisis intervention team; home visits from caring social workers, and access to foster parent support groups. Foster parents also get financial reimbursement and Title 19 health insurance for foster children.

 For more information, contact Melissa Dombrowski-Boling, foster care services coordinator, at 414-465-1336 or mdombrowski-boling@st-al.org.

For the last two years, Jacqueline has worked in that role, which entails taking in a child with severe behavioral challenges (levels 3 and 4). She also taps into community resources.

The goal of the program, which is a full-time job through St. Aemilian-Lakeside, is to transition a child within a year back to his or her home, to a longer-term foster care setting, or to an independent living program that supports youth who are aging out of foster care.

Jacqueline, a single professional with a master’s degree in educational psychology and a bachelor’s degree in sociology, has had a 16-year-old girl with her since December 2010. Previously she had a 14-year-old. Although she is highly trained, the lessons she has learned working with children who have suffered trauma such as abuse and neglect are pertinent for any foster parent – or the parent of any child.

And the rewards she achieves are great: just getting her foster child to go to school regularly is a big one. Getting a child to sit properly at a table may seem small but can be a really gratifying sign of progress, she said.

“I love working with kids and knowing the progress they make is coming from something I’m helping them with.”

Behaviorally challenged foster kids, from levels 3 and 4, may not often say thanks, but actions speak louder than words. After the first girl she fostered moved back home, Jacqueline found a paper she had written on who is her hero in life – naming Jacqueline.

“I knew I had an impact, I just didn’t know it was that much or that she felt that way,” Jacqueline said.

How does she help kids progress? Rather than giving them just rules, she gives them expectations, allows them to make mistakes, and rewards success – but not all the time, to keep them on their toes. She teaches that you may not always like the things you have to do in life – like going to a therapy session – but in the end, these things are necessary and beneficial.

The biggest challenge working with troubled adolescents, she says, is getting them to take responsibility for their own actions, “because, in life, there are consequences for everything you do, whether good or bad.”

When people ask her about becoming a foster parent to children who have suffered trauma, she tells them the most important thing is willingness to focus a lot of time and attention on the child. It’s a choice she freely made.

“I pick the child everyone says is the worst child,” she said smiling. “But I know that everybody has something good in them. You just have to see it — and then you have to show it to them.”

“When I first got involved with foster care (for levels 3 or 4 children), I thought I could cure these kids, that they just needed someone to work with them and that they’d be fine,” she said with a laugh. “I learned I can’t cure them, that they have to work on their issues themselves; my job is to help them and make sure they have support.

“And I don’t feel sorry for them. I feel empathy. If you understand that they have been traumatized, you don’t take things they do personally.”

Erma, who has been a SAL foster parent for challenged children for eight years. Here, through classes and regular visits from a foster care specialist, she learned all abut the effects trauma such as abuse and neglect have on children and ways to work with these kids. She said she learned to change her point of view from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

As an example, she points to a 14-year-old whose mother did not want her at home because of her behavior and who then had to leave a temporary home where she had become close to her foster mother. When she moved in with Erma, the girl had tantrums and jumped up and down like a 2-year-old.

“But I realized she has this sense of loss; she’s mourning! I sometimes say, ‘I’d be upset too if all this was happening to me!’”

With foster kids, Erma notes she hasn’t had an influence on them since they were babies, which makes it more difficult bringing them into her home. Her work has been with girls, mostly teen-agers. She has a 13-year-old biological daughter at home, in addition to two adult children.

“Its hard, hard work,” Erma said. “But it makes you feel good about helping these young ladies … It’s rewarding when you talk to these kids, about respect and respecting themselves,  and the importance of education and getting a job, and you get to a point where they can discuss their issues.”  And sometimes, when she is just talking with them about everyday things, like music or fashion, it can be downright fun.

Erma first learned about being a foster parent for challenged children from another one. She has now recruited her adult son and is working on getting a friend into the St. Aemilian-Lakeside program.

“I tell them the truth. This is hard, but a lot of kids need someone who actually cares about what happens to them and has their best interests at heart  … And they see my foster kids are not monsters,” she added with a laugh.

On a practical level, Erma said traumatized children who don’t get help may end up having a negative impact on the community.

“If you can’t get them on the right track, they could be the kid who comes up and robs you or steals your car.”

Why does Erma continue working with troubled kids? “Even though it’s a very difficult and challenging job, it seems like I was cut out for it,” she said with a smile. “You just have to want to do this – and make a difference.”

Tim Grove, chief program officer for Integrated Family Services, will lead the training, which will help foster parents understand what trauma informed is and how they can implement it to improve the behaviors they see in the children in their care.

The training is free, and a light dinner will be served. Registration deadline is Friday, Oct. 28. Interested foster parents should contact Melissa Dombrowski-Boling, Foster Care Services coordinator, at 414-465-1336 or mdombrowski-boling@st-al.org. Because of the content of the training, children will not be allowed to attend; child care will not be provided.

 Before joining Integrated Family Services, St. Aemilian-Lakeside’s child welfare subsidiary, Grove worked at St. Aemilian-Lakeside for more than 10 years in a variety of administrative positions. He was responsible for implementing St. Aemilian-Lakeside’s trauma informed care philosophy and practices, including developing the trauma informed care training curriculum and the “seven essential ingredients” definition of how best to understand and implement trauma informed care.

For more information on trauma informed care, to view a video on it, and to access a PDF on the seven essential ingredients, click here.

The worst part, he says, was having little to eat, basically living on Raman noodles he could buy when his cousin, who owned the place, gave him a couple dollars here and there.

But the experience, which followed being thrown out of his house and six years in foster care, took its toll. A sister took him in, but that didn’t work out either. Wil felt like she was treating him as a son while she had one of her own to care for. He felt like a burden and became seriously depressed.

Wil ended up in the county mental health complex and later in a county-run group home. While there, his mother visited him. “She said, ‘You belong here,’ and she walked out and left,” Wil said. “It was hard; I felt like something’s gotta happen with my life.”

Landing in a homeless shelter, a social worker referred him to the Supportive Permanent Housing program at St. Aemilian-Lakeside. Things finally began to happen.

Will has now been in the program for nearly two years. He lives in a one-bedroom apartment, with furnishings and food supplied by St. Aemilian-Lakeside. The agency has set him up with a therapist, and he is visited weekly by a Supportive Permanent Housing case manager.

He attends MATC full time and wants to become a teacher, with an ultimate goal of becoming a dean, “when I’m about 60 years old!” he said with a laugh.

Wil laughs a lot now, thanks in large part to his case managers and the life’s path they are helping him follow. “She’s the difference between being here and being homeless,” he said about Katie Ball, his former case manager, who very recently left St. Aemilian-Lakeside to return to graduate school.

Katie describes Wil as a young man who is very curious and engaged.  “One can sit for hours and discuss with Wil, current events, societal issues and politics,” she said. “He can debate with the best of them. He is a joy to spend time with.”

The Supportive Permanent Housing program serves nine formerly homeless young adults 18-24 who, like Wil, have mental health concerns on some level and need support to transition to adulthood and become productive members of the community in which we all live. The program is one of three St. Aemilian-Lakeside started within the last four years that provide independent living services to former foster youth.

“This is a population that really needs our help,” said Jane Ottow, Independent Living Services supervisor. “Without it, many end up on the streets, preyed upon, or ultimately in the criminal justice system.”

There’s a lot of work that goes into keeping Wil and the other young people in the program safe, happy and focused on their future. For Wil, the best thing is not thinking too much about his past.

“It’s too scary to think about what life would have been like without St. Aemilian’s.”